i stood there, not knowing where to put my hand, where i should look, how i should stand, i felt dizzy, like the ground was attacking me. i looked down, pretending to be okay, but God only knew the extend of my anxiety. Wasn’t quite scared but i was worried of my reflection as he looked at me. I’ve never felt so vulnerable but today i was stuck, stuck in my world of stories. oh how i was shy, oh how i was craving him, oh how i was pretending to pretend to be laughing. it ended with my hands over my eyes as his footsteps became stabs at my fantasy. all i can think of was my head on his shoulders. not quite my normal but damn this is soo different and soo good.

so i stopped breathing for a few moments, all the while i wish he would backtrack on his footsteps and say that I’m not alone. but instead i ran into my world of fears and worries. where rationality rules, where common sense is the vice-president because in my mind its democratic system, decisions are made collectively. the majority of me is saying HELL NO, then there’s a small part of me that doesn’t want to pretend anymore.

This is my moment of honesty, i feel things which knowledge, experience, logic, rationality and common sense simply don’t comprehend.

I’m thinking of doing the un-thinkable. It’s becoming something that impossible to ignore. I cannot change it, not in my mind, not in my heart and not in my body. So if you asked me, I’d say I’m ready.

I wouldn’t turn my cheek to you, in fact I would probably swallow your eyes as they have become my kryptonite. I cannot say more because my verbal capabilities have somehow vanished. Not too sure where my mind has taken me but i can be sure that this land is unreal to my realities

I can dream, all day and all night but somehow it always ends and then reality creeps up and somehow slashes my every destitute.

I’m not going to lie, I’m going to be honest, I hang on to your every word without hesitation I find myself wanting to be close.

But this road I will not take.

Not quite sure what the meaning of this is

Is it just me or am I loosing my sense of simplicity

Bad is bad…Good is Good

When did it all change. Sometimes we lie to ourselves and pretend like we know the difference. But the truth is that we have no clue what is happening.

We say everything will be alright, we say to our friends, family and most of all we say it to ourselves

So I’ve decided to stop shadowing this feeling and just understand it

I understand its wrong, I understand I’m wrong. I also understand that when all fails you must just give it some time and space.

So thats what I’m going to do….give it time and space. I hope that once I’ve returned, this feeling has vanished or at least transformed to something I can hide from sight.

Beginning of our story, you made me smile

First we were thousands of miles apart

Time passed but you remained the cure to my worries and my fears

The distance no longer present

A call from you became my morning tradition

We would stay up and exchange daily mishaps and accomplishments

I held on to your every word and made peace with this blessing

Perhaps I felt undeserving of your unconditional presence

Since the start of this equation I’ve encountered many road blocks

Useless conversations, uninspiring faces, rootless behaviors and unstimulated dreams

But your sense of courage revolutionized my every bone

Dreaming of spending my time with your breathless character

Shaken my nights

Prompted my days to be full of loving moments

You complicated my hours and transformed my days to astonishing milestones

Promised me the best shaped pavements of life.

Faded my dark moments and created a perpetuity of rainbows

Your faithful devotion took over my broken parts

Highlighted my womanly curves

Your garden has become a proverbial household

Provided a steady family feel atmosphere

You are imperfectly perfect

Accommodating to my every destitute

Your morals have become my compass

Been deprived for far too long

Ultimately your outreach spirit has finally caught up with me

Our palms belong to one another

Your laughter has become my favorite accessory

Our formation has no prerequisites

We bloom in this strong breeze we call love

Our joys are parallel, this isn’t luck

Not accompanied with chance

We match and bear down to our destinies

Endless struggles but that’s the wonderful life we are building

Our space is astronomical

Support my frequent storms

Fearful of loosing us

But I’ve decided to leap into this remarkable bond we crafted

I generously give you my heartbeat

My heavy soul has shed some weight

And your nutritional love is the cause

Restructured my heartbreak and adjusted my poker face

You’re the cause of my laugh lines

I love you

I do…

To be continued….

Where just the way we are is faultlessness

Close my eyes and go into this unbelievable world

Where just the way we are is immensely delusional

I can’t believe you’re here, right here

I walked away from your commitment

I mistakenly blinded myself from the magnitude of your love

Now I pray our shape last evermore

Just the way we are is how it’s supposed to be

Your scars are a manifestation of your generosity

Close my eyes and go into this implausible ambience

Where our interaction is undeniably sturdy

Our hearts communicate in silence

Our mind converse in such a way that necessitate no verbal ability

The stars have lined up to witness our blissful union

Your idyllic character is one in a million

An irreplaceable nature that astonishes with every encounter

Time is humanity’s principal rival…time with you is what sets me free

I promise to stand by you no matter what condition

I promise to always keep my promises

The manner you gaze at me truthfully makes me blissful

Time stops and I get to benefit from your qualities a second longer

Your behaviour promotes thoughtfulness and kind-heartedness

You are the revelation of an ideal mate

A collection of compassion and consideration

We belong jointly, in this world and in the hereafter

By no means have you challenged or attempted to revolutionize my person

Each facet of your being whether it physical or spiritual is an ensnarement

I yearn to reside entrapped everlastingly. With you for all perpetuity

There is no hole, no shadowy place that your affection cannot fill

And if the world starts causing waves, it’s your devotion that makes them still

Providing a roof and provisions is the primary part of your excellence

Security of your attendance is the climax of my contentment

You’re the body firm and strong, I’m a rib bone on your side

I’m a river clean and pure, who in your ocean I find my peace and rest

Each letter of your name is engraved in my soul

Your love is imprinted on my bones

Your love is my impossible like living in a dream

After I fall asleep, I never really sleep,
I count my sad nights
The miserable moments I’ve lived
After I fall asleep, I never really sleep
I dream of those I’ve lost
And I pray for those I’ve still have

After I fall asleep, I never really sleep,
I cry for the times I was lost
And thank Allah for being found
After I fall asleep, I never really sleep
I hope that Allah keeps me on this path
And I want nothing else

After I fall asleep, I never really sleep,
I pray Allah answers to my prayers
I pray Allah answers to my supplications
After I fall asleep, I now really sleep
As I dream of my one day meeting my Creator
I only hope my imaan is beautiful

After I fall asleep, I really do sleep
I thank Allah for all that he has denied
I thank Allah for all that he has granted

After I fall asleep, I then never really sleep
After I fall asleep, I now really sleep